Connecting with Enneagram Type Twos Through Coaching
In this episode of the Awareness to Action Enneagram podcast, Mario Skora, María José Munita and Seth “Creek” Creekmore talk about coaching Enneagram Type Two. They examine how this type strives to feel emotionally connected to others, clarifying the common misconception that all Twos are helpers. Twos build rapport through noticing others and creating closeness, but a common coaching challenge with a Type two are the boundary issues, where they either violate others' boundaries or fail to maintain their own. The coaches explore the "make you love me" dynamic and provide practical insights for working with this relational and emotionally aware type.
TIMESTAMPS
[00:01] Intro
[01:10] Defining Type Two: Striving to Feel Connected
[06:26] The connecting points
[12:34] Becoming more comfortable
[16:58] The Runaway Bride
[20:11] Strengths and weaknesses
[25:18] The ATA Process
[30:44] Accelerators for Point Two
[35:01] Final thoughts
Connect with us:
IG: @ataenneagrampod
YouTube: ATA Podcast Network
Email: info@awarenesstoaction.com
Send a voice message: speakpipe.com/AwarenesstoAction
ATA’s Subtypes And Instinctual Biases Two-Day Workshop: thesubtypes.com
Mario Sikora:
IG: @mariosikora
TikTok: @mariosikora
Web: mariosikora.com
Pod: Enneagram in a Movie
Substack: mariosikora.substack.com
Book: How to Think Well, and Why: The Awareness to Action Guide to Clear Thinking
María José Munita:
IG: @mjmunita
Web: mjmunita.com
Seth "Creek" Creekmore:
IG: @_creekmore
Pod: Fathoms | An Enneagram Podcast
Pod: Delusional Optimism
Transcript
Welcome back to another episode of awareness to Action Enneagram podcast.
Speaker A:Mario is already yawning, Which makes my adjective just not work at all.
Speaker B:Don't take it personal, Creek.
Speaker A:My name is Creek.
Speaker C:I have this.
Speaker C:I have this gift for being able to sleep anytime, any place, and so we better keep this moving, or you're going to lose me here.
Speaker A:Well, my name is Craig, and I'm with Mario Sikora and Marie Jose Munita, who are ebullient, apparently not Mario.
Speaker A:But God, already undermining me, and I didn't even get to the intro,.
Speaker C:Which.
Speaker A:Would not be what A2 does.
Speaker A:And that's what we're talking about today.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:A2 would not yawn in your face.
Speaker C:Is that what you're saying?
Speaker C:As soon as you start talking.
Speaker C:Yeah, probably not.
Speaker A:Probably not.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker A:All right.
Speaker A:So, yeah, we're talking about coaching twos today.
Speaker A:Let's start.
Speaker A:Mario, to keep you awake, why don't you tell us what.
Speaker A:What does it mean?
Speaker A:Striving to feel connected.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:So that is our definition of what a 2 is.
Speaker C:And again, for us, we always look at this adaptive strategy.
Speaker C:How does a, you know, person get their needs met?
Speaker C:And so for the two, they get their needs met through connecting to other people.
Speaker C:Now, the reputation of the twos is that they're helpers, right?
Speaker C:They're always looking out to do things for other people, and they're always putting other people first.
Speaker C:And all these sort of things not always necessarily true.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:Some do and some don't.
Speaker C:The helping kind of comes as a way of connecting very often.
Speaker C:This is not to say that there's always an agenda behind the two's helpfulness.
Speaker C:Sometimes they do it just because they're a good person, but they want to know that they have an emotional bond with people.
Speaker C:So their way of interacting with people is to pay attention to them, to notice them, to recognize them, to look for their needs when it's appropriate.
Speaker C:So it's all about, I feel okay if I feel like you and I have some sort of emotional bond.
Speaker B:I just can't stop about.
Speaker B:I mean, thinking about the line behind you, Mario.
Speaker A:Yes, folks, I've been.
Speaker A:I've been trying to train these.
Speaker A:These boomers how to be camera ready.
Speaker A:And Mario's finally starting to put the line behind his head.
Speaker C:But now.
Speaker C:But now Maria Jose's obsessing has been off and aiming.
Speaker C:If I move.
Speaker C:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker B:You know.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:And.
Speaker C:And in Maria Jose's defense, she's not a boomer, but.
Speaker C:But I am.
Speaker A:Oh, okay.
Speaker A:All right.
Speaker B:Careful there.
Speaker A:Fair enough.
Speaker C:She's not even close in, in fact, so she's.
Speaker C:Yeah, she.
Speaker C:She missed it by, you know, 10, 11 years.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:All right, Mar, do you have any non.
Speaker A:One things to add to this conversation?
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:So as Mario was saying, too sort of striving to feel connected.
Speaker B:And they do help sometimes.
Speaker B:It's not like some do, some don't.
Speaker B:I think that probably everyone helps once in a while.
Speaker B:But sure, twos sometimes use it as a way.
Speaker C:Even I help people sometimes use it.
Speaker B:As a way to connect, and they do other things in order to connect as well.
Speaker B:So they build rapport quickly or easily.
Speaker B:Sometimes.
Speaker B:They are good at noticing positive things about people and letting them know they see it.
Speaker B:They are nurturing.
Speaker B:They are.
Speaker B:They have this ability to make other people feel close.
Speaker B:It can be through nicknames, the way they speak, how they touch you.
Speaker B:It can show up in different ways, but it's all attitudes and behaviors that make them feel connected to other people.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:On the downside, you were just waiting.
Speaker C:Some of the behaviors.
Speaker C:Oh, no, I. I'm just trying to move us along here.
Speaker C:That's.
Speaker C:That's all so, so helpful.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:On the downside here, they.
Speaker C:Number one, they can have issues with boundaries.
Speaker C:This is the thing that we most frequently encounter in working with twos.
Speaker C:It's these issues around boundaries.
Speaker C:Either they violate other people's boundaries, or they allow other people to violate their boundaries.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:They don't, you know, stand up for themselves.
Speaker C:They don't put limits on people who expect things from them.
Speaker C:And they can demand, you know, to.
Speaker C:To be recognized, to be appreciated, to be embraced in some way.
Speaker C:So, again, there's always some negative things to all of these, a few more things on the positive side, just to, you know, to be fair, this ability to recognize people and to remember the humanity of people is really, really important, especially in organizations.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:Because twos have this way of being able to say, hey, let's remember that we're dealing with people here.
Speaker C:And let's remember that these feelings.
Speaker C:And let's remember that these people have needs.
Speaker C:And that's a good reminder.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:Because if we don't have somebody to remind us of those things, it's easy, especially when we're not connected to them or interacting with them, very often, to forget about this.
Speaker C:And what you'll see in organizations very often is, you know, an organization's a big place, and you don't interact with a lot of people, and so they can just feel like kind of statistics for you.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker C:So the two Reminds us of the humanity of people, which is why you see a lot of them in human resources.
Speaker C:You see a lot of them.
Speaker C:You see a lot of them in sales.
Speaker C:You see a lot of them in marketing.
Speaker C:You see a lot of them in any kind of role that interfaces with other people.
Speaker A:So part of working with twos is working on the different things associated with their connecting points.
Speaker A:Maria Jose, can you start.
Speaker A:Start us off with connecting points?
Speaker B:Sure.
Speaker B:So the two.
Speaker B:The two connecting points are point eight, striving to feel powerful, and point four, striving to feel unique.
Speaker B:Point eight is the support strategy.
Speaker B:It's things they do that reinforce their desire to feel connected.
Speaker B:So it creates this kind of, like, additional force.
Speaker B:Twos can be a bit forceful and kind of almost make you get their help or their point of view or what they think it will be good for you.
Speaker B:So that attitude, it's what we call.
Speaker B:And then it's.
Speaker B:So there's something about the two that it's.
Speaker B:They want to connect.
Speaker B:They want to do things for other people so that they can do so, and they honestly think that it's for your own good.
Speaker B:They honestly think that it's what you need.
Speaker B:If you don't take it, they might push harder.
Speaker B:And that's.
Speaker B:I don't know, sometimes breaks other people's boundaries, as Mario was saying, or makes them more demanding, like they're hoping that you will take care of them back.
Speaker B:So it's kind of that forcefulness that comes with these eight, but it's like, if you don't love me, I'll make you love me.
Speaker B:I'll make you connect with me somehow.
Speaker C:And.
Speaker C:And that forcefulness is not just in negative ways.
Speaker C:It can be in positive ways as well.
Speaker C:And Twos can be real dynamos.
Speaker C:And I. I think it often surprises people when they start to see the.
Speaker C:The more assertive and more dynamic and the more impactful behaviors and elements of the two.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:They.
Speaker C:They come across as these nice, sweet, you know, caring people.
Speaker C:And you start to assume that this person, you know, it's kind of a pushover or whatever.
Speaker C:But they often have a lot of spine and a lot of assertiveness and, you know, a willingness to, you know, kind of stand their ground and to push for the things that they think are right.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And sometimes, like, the more negative aspect of it is that they feel like a martyr.
Speaker B:I hate that word.
Speaker C:It's a martyr.
Speaker B:I would say martyr.
Speaker B:But anyway, so they feel like they're making sacrifices for other people and are not being acknowledged for it.
Speaker B:So,.
Speaker C:And this is when you can see the real negative side of the forcefulness.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:Because it can, you know, they can lash out because nobody likes to be a martyr for too long.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:They might.
Speaker C:It might feel good to play the martyr for a while, but nobody wants to burn at the stake, you know, indefinitely.
Speaker C:So they get forceful in order to not have to feel that way.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:The neglected strategy is trying to feel unique.
Speaker B:And it's what they kind of avoid because they believe that it goes against striving to feel connected.
Speaker B:So if I'm too unique, it feels like kind of isolated, and that's the opposite of connected.
Speaker B:So I want to have things in common.
Speaker B:I want to be connected to you.
Speaker B:But on the other hand, I see how other people are getting recognition.
Speaker B:I see how other people are getting attention that I'm not getting, and I feel almost envious about it.
Speaker B:So it's like I would like, I wish I had that thing that other people do.
Speaker B:And I want people to pay attention and focus on me, but not too much that it will drive people away.
Speaker B:So they're kind of ambivalent about it.
Speaker B:And they can show it, as we all do with a neglected strategy, when we are kind of feel safer, but then when it feels like it's putting our connection in danger, we kind of contract and try to get away from it.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:The four, which we talked about last time, is always emphasizing how they're different from other people.
Speaker C:And that's not a great way to establish connection.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:You know, I don't.
Speaker C:When I'm trying to establish connection with someone, I'm trying to find similarities.
Speaker C:I'm trying to find, you know, shared experience or shared perspective.
Speaker C:So I'm not emphasizing how I am different.
Speaker C:In fact, to do so seems counterproductive to the two.
Speaker C:So instead, I'm going to look for things that we have in common, and I'm going to emphasize those.
Speaker C:Oh, I do that too.
Speaker C:Oh, I do that too.
Speaker C:Oh, yeah.
Speaker C:I love that show, you know, those sort of things.
Speaker C:And it can start to look like the two doesn't have their own agenda or their own perspective and that they're, you know, just kind of going along with people to blend with them.
Speaker C:Now, again, as they get comfortable, they're much more comfortable expressing who they are.
Speaker C:But that initial attempt to connect is going to be much more focused.
Speaker C:It's going to be much more focused on avoiding differences and emphasizing similarities.
Speaker A:Interesting.
Speaker A:When do you feel.
Speaker A:Maybe this is an impossible question, but just kind of whatever comes to mind.
Speaker A:But when do you feel like they start, you start to notice that they start becoming more comfortable talking about themselves and not so much on the other person.
Speaker C:Well, I, so I, I want to be careful because a, you know, a lot of this thing, a lot of this has to do with levels of maturity, right?
Speaker C:Or degrees of maturity.
Speaker C:And so, you know, we don't like talk about levels of health, but one could think of it, you know, as them being psychologically healthy or not.
Speaker C:If they are, if they are, if they are under a lot of stress, if they're immature, they're going to be talking a lot about their needs and what I need you to do to help me meet them.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:And so you'll see that emphasis.
Speaker C:So it can start early on at immature levels.
Speaker C:It's kind of in that mid range of maturity where you start to see this, you know, not wanting to talk about how I am unique.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker C:It doesn't mean they're not going to talk about themselves, but they're going to focus on similarities when they are talking about themselves.
Speaker C:Now the thing we need to remember about the Enneagram type is that the strategy is a adaptive strategy.
Speaker C:It helps us to get a need met or solve a problem.
Speaker C:And when we don't feel like we don't have a problem to solve or some need to meet, we don't really demonstrate the aspects of personality.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:I mean, when you're just sitting there on the sofa, everything's good, you're watching Netflix, you know, you're not being your type necessarily.
Speaker C:And so the more relaxed we become, the more comfortable we become, the more willing we are to show different parts of ourselves.
Speaker C:Okay, so it really has a lot to do with, you know, how comfortable and secure does the individual feel where the, in the two's case they'll start to show.
Speaker C:Oh, well, you know, I actually like this and I'd like to go here for lunch and all those sort of things.
Speaker C:It's when they, you know, and then they can kind of get into this thing where if the person says, you know, well I don't want to do that, then it's like, oh geez, you know, I never get what I want, you know, so you can see some of that or you can see some folding into, okay, well we can do whatever you want again, depending on the situation and which of those behaviors is going to feel like it satisfies the specific need that the person has at the time.
Speaker A:Yeah, I think that's a important distinction.
Speaker B:Yeah, so I agree.
Speaker B:But just to add to that, I think that I've seen people.
Speaker B:I mean, twos going from not even thinking about my needs and who I am to having that be their path of development.
Speaker B:It's like most twos know that the one thing they have to work on is getting to know themselves and what they want and going after it, asking about it, or putting their agenda first or at least on the table.
Speaker B:Fours kind of do that naturally.
Speaker B:It's like who I am is kind of part of their experience all the time.
Speaker B:For twos, it's not so natural, and they kind of avoid it because it feels like it doesn't add to connecting that much.
Speaker B:But I've realized that when they do know themselves better, that when they do identify their needs and have them met, somehow they can connect in a healthier way.
Speaker B:So it's like a path of development for twos.
Speaker B:So the more they neglect developing it, the worst and the opposite is true.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:There's a great illustration of this in the movie the Runaway Bride with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:And the.
Speaker C:I don't know if the character was a two or not.
Speaker A:This isn't enneagram in a movie, just so you know.
Speaker C:I know, I know, I know.
Speaker C:But a little crossover here.
Speaker C:Okay, so, okay.
Speaker C:All right.
Speaker C:The.
Speaker C:The character Julie Roberts plays gets the attention of a reporter played by Richard Gere, because she keeps leaving men at the altar.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:She keeps getting engaged and then doesn't go through with it.
Speaker C:And so he decides to do an interview with her and of course, falls in love with her.
Speaker C:Etc.
Speaker C:And one of the ongoing themes is that he would ask each of her former fiance's what are her favorite kind of eggs?
Speaker C:And each one would say, oh, she loved fried eggs just like I do.
Speaker C:And the next one would say, oh, she loves scrambled eggs just like I do.
Speaker C:And the next one she loved, you know, poached eggs just like I do.
Speaker C:And so the theme was she had this realization that, wow, I am, you know, I. I'm even turning over what kind of eggs.
Speaker C:I like to connect with these other people.
Speaker C:And so her, you know, her healing was to go off on her own for a while and figure out what kind of eggs she really liked.
Speaker C:She did the Rocky drink them out of the glass in the morning.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:I love raw eggs.
Speaker C:That's her.
Speaker C:That's my favorite.
Speaker C:No, she didn't.
Speaker C:No.
Speaker C:But, you know, it's a cheesy example, but it does illustrate that.
Speaker C:To your point, Rios, the two has to say, no, wait a minute.
Speaker C:I need to find out what I like I need to find out what I need.
Speaker C:I need to find out who and then feel comfortable asserting that and realize that just because I'm standing up for what I want doesn't mean I'm going to necessarily lose connection.
Speaker C:In fact, it makes better connections because now you're connected with the real me instead of the fake me that pretends not to have needs or pretends to like a kind of egg that I don't like.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And it's not only the fake needs, but so when I'm not expecting someone else to take care of my needs, to first of all figure them out and then satisfying them, you should know what I want.
Speaker B:Yeah, of course.
Speaker B:I'm guessing yours.
Speaker B:You should guess mine.
Speaker B:I do not become demanding, which is the kind of blind spot of the two.
Speaker B:I kind of expect people to take care of me just as I take care of other people and make them feel and pay for it.
Speaker B:And it's not something that I want to do or decide to do.
Speaker B:It's just what happens if I take care of my own needs.
Speaker B:Then we have a healthier, more mature relationship.
Speaker B:We're not guessing or making somebody else guess.
Speaker B:We're just saying what we want.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker A:So we mentioned it a few times.
Speaker A:Different ones, but like strengths and weaknesses that you've found when coaching twos that you tend to end up focusing on.
Speaker C:So I. I encounter a couple of things.
Speaker C:So the boundary issue is.
Speaker C:Is a big one.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:Either not setting my own boundaries or not respecting other people's boundaries.
Speaker C:The other thing is emotionality, particularly in the corporate world, it's not a place in general where emotionality is really embraced.
Speaker C:So, you know, you kind of have to be a bit more objective, bit more self controlled.
Speaker C:And I have seen twos really struggle with, you know, feeling their feelings in public.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:And, you know, and that can, even though, you know, as a society we want to see people doing that, but in certain environments, it can give the implication that they lack control.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker C:That they lack strength and seriousness, which is not really true.
Speaker C:Just because they're emotional.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:I just want to be clear that it doesn't mean that everything is rational and we cannot be emotional.
Speaker B:I think that what we're talking about here is a more histrionic way of showing emotions.
Speaker B:It's kind of acting out more, which sends the message that they're not in control.
Speaker B:There's nothing wrong with sharing your emotions, but here it's more acting out or in a more histrionic way.
Speaker C:And I will say that again, it depends on the emotions.
Speaker C:I mean, I. I remember years ago having a client who was a very senior leader, and she was, you know, on the, you know, the.
Speaker C:The leadership team of a business unit.
Speaker C:And she would cry about things.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:She would cry in their staff meetings when things got emotional.
Speaker C:And it just made everybody really, really uncomfortable, you know, because, you know, particularly the men would say, I don't.
Speaker C:I don't know how to talk to somebody when they're crying in the board meeting.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker C:Kind of thing.
Speaker C:And she was very, very good.
Speaker C:She was very hard working, very aggressive.
Speaker C:She was really, really good at her work.
Speaker C:And this tendency to.
Speaker C:To slip down into emotion in that situation really hurt her.
Speaker C:So, again, we're not suggesting.
Speaker C:Don't shed a tear when you're sad.
Speaker C:You know, that's.
Speaker C:We want to develop emotional intelligence and express our emotions, but it is something that can hurt them.
Speaker A:Part of emotional intelligence is understanding the context that one can express.
Speaker C:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:So something else that we've seen is that sometimes they tend to take the support role and have a hard time leading or taking more exposed leadership positions.
Speaker B:It's just easier to be the one helping the leader get stuff done than to be on the front row breaking eggs.
Speaker B:You know, it just can damage connections more easily.
Speaker B:So it's kind of safer to stay at the back and be the one who is making a particular person succeed.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:And I want to be real clear to emphasize what you said there, Maria Jose.
Speaker C:It's easier to keep connection in that situation.
Speaker C:It's not necessarily easier to be the support person.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:We're not suggesting that twos don't, you know, and we're not suggesting that twos never take the lead.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker C:And never take, you know, the.
Speaker C:The chair, the head of the table, you know, so to speak.
Speaker C:They do, but they can have this reluctance to do so to their own detriment, because I find it easier to stay connected, and it fits my identity as being helpful by being this supporter.
Speaker C:So often they're kind of the power behind the throne, in a sense.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:Which is, again, is hard work, and it can be a way of influencing, but it doesn't get recognized.
Speaker C:And then they can get frustrated that I'm not being recognized, even though I chose to put myself here.
Speaker C:So working through what do I really want here?
Speaker C:Do I want to be that person who's in the, you know, in the big chair?
Speaker C:And if so, how do I deal with this resistance that I'm feeling and doing it?
Speaker C:Or do I really want to be the person behind the person in the big chair.
Speaker C:And then let me deal with my frustration when I start to feel it that I'm not getting the recognition I deserve.
Speaker A:And that sounds very familiar.
Speaker A:It almost sounds like the awareness to action process.
Speaker C:It does sound like that.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:So, boy, that's an ebullience segue there, Greek.
Speaker C:Hey,.
Speaker A:So talk to me about.
Speaker A:For.
Speaker A:For this.
Speaker A:For that particular client that was crying in the boardroom.
Speaker A:What was the.
Speaker A:What was the process?
Speaker A:What was the awareness to action process?
Speaker B:Shut.
Speaker B:Stop it.
Speaker C:Quit being a baby.
Speaker C:So it's what it came down to was what it is exploring what it was that she was feeling frustrated about.
Speaker C:A lot of what she was feeling frustrated about is that she didn't feel that she and her team were being recognized, that they were not seen as important.
Speaker C:And.
Speaker C:And so her, you know, when she did grow, I mean, it's not like she did it all the time, right?
Speaker C:But when she did, it was growing out of frustration of her people not being recognized.
Speaker C:So we worked on building their reputation, right?
Speaker C:You know, ensuring that people knew what they were accomplishing, being sure that people understood why they were important, that sort of thing.
Speaker C:So it wasn't so much about, hey, you just gotta stop crying.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:But what are some of the things that bring this out in you?
Speaker C:Because the reason people will, in this sort of situations, have that kind of reaction.
Speaker C:Look, some people just cry for whatever reason, right?
Speaker C:But for her, it was this frustration of not getting my point across and not knowing what to do about it.
Speaker C:And so by figuring out how to get her back, point about and know what to do, it minimized the crying.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:So it wasn't so much about connection in that case.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:So, you know, usually what we look at with the awareness to action process is, you know, for example, it's.
Speaker C:It's a lot.
Speaker C:It's a lot more clear when it's an issue of boundaries.
Speaker C:To work with the awareness to action process, or when people struggle with boundaries, we help them see, okay, what does healthy connection really look like?
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker C:We assume that connection means, you know, I need you to need me and you need to need me back sort of thing, whereas we start to.
Speaker C:Or that I don't have boundaries.
Speaker C:Okay, how, you know, if I put up limitations on people and what I'll do for them and what they can expect from me, well, then I'll break that connection.
Speaker C:Now, what happens in that situation is they get frustrated eventually.
Speaker C:Nobody can stand to have their boundaries violated all the time, so they tend to explode.
Speaker C:They tap into that more negative eight Stuff, and they explode.
Speaker C:And then what they do, they sever the connection that they're working so desperately to maintain.
Speaker C:So in that case, the awareness to action process is I'll have better connection to people if I have better and more mature boundaries that I am constantly monitoring and constantly adjusting in order for the circumstances.
Speaker A:Yeah, I. I mean, I could see.
Speaker A:And maybe this wasn't how the situation went, but I do.
Speaker A:Twos are big advocates for.
Speaker A:I mean, those underneath them.
Speaker A:And I could see, like, you guys deserve, like, I feel con.
Speaker A:My connection is threatened because you guys deserve to be seen and valued for what you do.
Speaker A:And that's frustrating.
Speaker A:So, I mean, like, maybe that's not what was happening, but.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:Well, should have been better off with you as a coach in that situation,.
Speaker A:I was gonna say, but.
Speaker A:All right, so let's.
Speaker A:Let's keep moving here.
Speaker A:The accelerator.
Speaker B:Sometimes it's very evident when what Mario was saying happens.
Speaker B:It's like I don't assert my boundaries, and then I explode and that connection is over.
Speaker B:Sometimes it's a lot more.
Speaker B:It's more subtle, and I kind of start avoiding people, or I kind of pull away so it's less perceptible, the loss of.
Speaker B:In connection.
Speaker B:But when they see it, they realize, huh, so I'm not taking care of my boundaries, but then.
Speaker B:Because I want to take care of the connection.
Speaker B:But now I am getting away from this person because I don't want to be around people like this or people who do that, or I don't want to be exposed to this.
Speaker B:So it's both things.
Speaker B:I can just finish or seize the connection, or I can just pull away.
Speaker B:And they don't realize that they are doing that.
Speaker B:In order to stay connected, I need to set some boundaries.
Speaker A:Yeah, so we have.
Speaker B:We.
Speaker A:You all have accelerators for each point in the Enneagram.
Speaker A:So what would be the accelerator for point two?
Speaker B:It's cognitive empathy.
Speaker B:So twos have a natural tendency to feel empathy, but many times they're just projecting what they think you need instead of really noticing or understanding what the other person truly needs.
Speaker B:So the exercise here, the accelerator, is just try to understand what the other person needs.
Speaker B:You can have a really good guess, but check with the other person, confirm that that's what they truly need, and not just feel what the other person needs.
Speaker B:You might be really wrong.
Speaker B:You might kind of be forcing things on people that it's not what they need.
Speaker B:And sometimes they need you to be, I don't know, stronger, or they need you to set a Boundary and not just give them everything they want.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:It really is about reading, you know, with.
Speaker C:With empathy.
Speaker C:It's something we feel, but we can be feeling it for the wrong reasons, like Maria was a saying.
Speaker C:And so the two has to avoid the trap of assuming that what they're feeling is an accurate reflection of the situation.
Speaker C:So you check.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker C:You look.
Speaker C:You look cold.
Speaker C:Right?
Speaker C:Are you cold?
Speaker C:Would you like a blanket instead of.
Speaker C:Here, take this blanket kind of thing?
Speaker C:So, yeah, it's checking.
Speaker C:And then we calibrate.
Speaker C:Oh, okay.
Speaker C:Well, Creek just looks that way sometimes.
Speaker C:Doesn't mean he's necessarily cold.
Speaker C:So.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker A:So, yeah, that's something.
Speaker A:People stop me on the streets, actually, and.
Speaker C:Would you like a blanket, young man?
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker A:No, that's just my soul.
Speaker A:Thank you.
Speaker A:All right.
Speaker A:Any final words?
Speaker C:So I. I think we.
Speaker C:We always like to think about the two connecting point accelerators as well when we talk about the accelerator.
Speaker C:So at point four, like we talked about last time, it's individuation.
Speaker C:I'm sorry, disidentification.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker C:So with the four, it's recognizing the ways in which they compare themselves to others or they're, you know, defined by others, etc.
Speaker C:This is also a good practice for twos.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:Because they can often assume that my value is based on who I am connected to or who I am affiliated with or who I am a reflection of.
Speaker C:Of.
Speaker C:And it is a good practice for them to start saying, no, no, I don't have to be connected to somebody else to be important.
Speaker C:I don't have to be in somebody else's shadow in order to be valuable and so forth.
Speaker C:So recognizing that tendency to identify with other people.
Speaker C:And at point eight, you know, we'll talk about this.
Speaker C:I guess we're doing that next, maybe for following the lines.
Speaker C:Right.
Speaker C:So it's around self discipline, Learning to manage myself, learning to.
Speaker C:To check myself, learning to practice these things that we're talking about in a disciplined way.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And that can help in things such as, I don't know, when they start worrying about everybody else's problems, for example, it's like they just need to be the ones sometimes kind of doing everything for everyone and just choosing, you know, having the self discipline to focus their efforts in some things and not just everything, because it will make me feel more connected to more people.
Speaker B:And at the end of the day, it doesn't.
Speaker B:But that's how it naturally feels.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And just a reminder to everyone out there, we are on video so you can.
Speaker A:You can watch and Save Mario's head is in line with the line, too, so.
Speaker A:And you can also leave in the comments below.
Speaker A:How do you like your eggs?
Speaker A:We really want to know.
Speaker A:We really want to know.
Speaker A:So until next time, can I just.
Speaker C:Say before we wrap up here.
Speaker C:Okay.
Speaker C:Sorry.
Speaker C:No, I.
Speaker C:This is an important point to make because the.
Speaker C:We have to be careful about assuming that all twos are soft and only helping other people and only putting themselves in their background.
Speaker C:There are a lot of very effective, very powerful, very forceful twos out there and a lot of people who don't seem like twos at first glance because they are assertive.
Speaker C:So what's that?
Speaker B:Or they're a man.
Speaker C:Or they're a man.
Speaker C:Yeah, I mean, I. Yeah, I guess the examples I used were women, but the.
Speaker C:Yep.
Speaker C:There are just as many male twos as there are female twos, we think.
Speaker C:But.
Speaker C:So.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker C:So we want to be really careful just to make sure we're not painting the picture that they're soft or weak or ineffective or something like that just because they want to connect to people.
Speaker C:Yeah.
Speaker A:Do I have your permission to stop podcast about that?
Speaker A:All right, cool.
Speaker A:Three, two.
Speaker A:Goodbye.
Speaker A:See you next time.
Speaker C:Bye.
